my request for a flatscreen television

a short while ago i wrote the following letter to the federal government. the audience was the federal government. i never mailed it and i never intended on mailing it. upon further reflection, i realized that the audience was really people just like me.

to whom it may concern in the federal government (secretary paulson will do):

i just heard the news that gm will be asking the federal government to help it buy chrysler. i first would like to apologize for not submitting my request sooner. i do realize that gm�s request might make mine less likely to be honored. in any case, i would like to ask the federal government to buy me a flat screen tv. i have a television from the year 2000. it has a glass screen. it is rounded. it is a very heavy television. Once i buy my new flat screen, my old tv�s yours. i think it isn�t quite old enough for a museum yet but in a few years it might be. until that time, maybe there�s a basement somewhere where you can keep it. is there a basement somewhere to store my old television?

what is the difference between lcd and plasma? i�m not sure which one to get. sony has a 42� plasma for $749. i could also get a 46� RCA for 1250$ which i�d rather do because rca is an american company (i think) and i heard plasma screens die after seven years, is this true?

if you buy me a flat screen tv you will not be disappointed. i will be more up to date on current events particularly politics. i know that there are some flat screen tv�s that are smaller, for less money, but i really need to see the screen. lately when i watch the news, i just can�t believe some of what i see. i want to make sure what i�m seeing is really happening.

please send me $5000 for my new flat screen tv. i will need the extra money to buy a wall mount and pay for installation. also, i might need a new shelving system on which to put my dvd player (another dinosaur from �06!). and do you know, why do they call some of these things flat panel monitors?

sincerely,

adam tramantano

i would like to take this opportunity to analyze my own writing here as a cultural artifact, a piece of evidence for the absurdity of today�s day and age. one of the biggest problems today is that there really is no clear centrality. this affects everything. for writers it affects our ability to understand audience; and for most regular people, we really can�t be angry at anyone when something goes wrong with the world. some of the greatest irony so easily exists symbolically in our culture. barack obama�who will probably be the greatest president since jfk�wrote a book called the audacity of hope. i didn�t read it. you don�t need to read symbols to analyze them. the irony is that hope really isn�t audacious�but these companies asking for all of this government money (and shamelessly too!). the questions i ask in my letter about the flat screen tv�s are really questions about the absurdity of what�s going on. but i, like most people, can�t actually ask the questions. for example, �how is it possible that companies can receive help the moment they fail, but individuals don�t?� the question is such an awful one to ask, and it�s more rhetorical when I ask it anyway. �secretary paulson will do� is a blatant disrespect for a very high-ranking government official�and yet it�s a joke. we are able to laugh because�more irony�the joke�s really on us.
getting back to the questions we should ask our government. i�m reminded of the one jfk said we should ask. now that i really think about it, he said we should ask it, but he didn�t say who we should ask it to. i have always been inspired by kennedy�s neat little aphorism, but i would not ask my government what i could do for it in this day and age. i�m afraid of the audacity of a response i might get. i think kennedy at least implicitly understood this. maybe we should ask it of ourselves. when i ask myself now, here are my answers: dissent and be critical.

adam tramantano

10:22 a.m. - 2008-11-17